God's Plan for Families
"Your family is what you've got...it's your limits and possibilities. Sometimes you'll get so far away from it you'll think you're outside of it's influence forever, then before you know what's happening, it will be right beside you, pulling the strings. Some people get crushed by their families. Others are saved by them." — Peter Collier
Background
1. What every person (parent/teen/family member) needs
sense of identity
sense of security/acceptance/belonging
sense of significance
competence
2. Contemporary understandings of family--family systems theory
Individual unit
sibling system
parent system
family system
congregation system
community system
society system
world social system
3. Characteristics of strong and weak families
Cohesion
- Strong: individuation, differentiation, mutuality
- Weak: enmeshment, disengagement, dependence
Adaptability
- Strong: flexible, stable
- Weak: rigid, chaotic
Communication
- Strong: clear perceptions and communications
- Weak: unclear perceptions and communications
Role structures
- Strong: role agreement, clear generational boundaries
- Weak: role conflicts, undefined boundaries, unhealthy alignments
4. Historical functions of the family
Physical nurturing--security
Emotional growth--balance
Spiritual orientation--identity
Social experience--intimacy
Intellectual growth and occupational training--competence
[Summary: empowering children to maturity]
5. Biblical and historical perspectives: an integrated perspective on family relationships
protection and sharing (including financial)
teaching
conferring status
God's Plan for Families
A. What does the Bible say about families. How do families function. Balswick and Balswick suggest there are four dynamics: covenant, grace, empowering, and intimacy. Family relationships either grow in these four areas, stagnate, or diminish.
B. Healthy family dynamics
- Covenant commitment has at its core unconditional love.
- Covenant (unconditional) love provides the security of grace.
- An atmosphere of grace gives freedom for empowerment.
- Empowering leads to the possibility of intimacy.
- Intimacy strengthens covenant commitment.
C. Four results in healthy families
- Covenant: to love and be loved
- Grace: to forgive and be forgiven
- Empowering: to serve and be served
- Intimacy: to know and be known
D. Summary
- Commitment is based on mature covenanting
- Family life established and maintained in atmosphere of grace embraces acceptance and forgiveness
- Family resources are used for empowerment rather than control
- Intimacy and genuine knowing leads to caring, understanding, communication, and sharing with others.
Conclusion
Suggestions
- 1. Renew your family covenants, define those things on which you have agreed, family rules, activities, "we always...", this is the way this family runs, this is who we are, this is what we do....
- 2. Establish rules for conflict, establish grace as a family principle
- 3. Focus on empowering rather than control
- 4. Begin regular activities that can build intimacy--caring, sharing, talking, connecting, understanding
Prayer for Families
Invitation
We are focused on physical families, but God has given us a larger spiritual family. Many of the same principles apply: covenant, grace, power, sharing.
Today you have opportunity to make a decision in any of these four areas.
How is your covenant with God?
Are you in need of grace?
Are you in need of power?
What do you need to share?
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Last updated March 20, 2005.